- akenergy2
- 2 days ago
- 6 min read
When I looked in the mirror this morning, (you know, one that magnifies everything) what was reflected back gave me a shock. FFS I looked so tired and WTF has happened to my face?! Its falling down and I look like shit. The one I normally see - when I take a quick glance at the one by the door as I rush out of the house - looks happy, warm, kind. One that ok, has seen the sun, had a few glasses of wine and experienced more than a few stressful things in her life..what you could call a lived in face.. But "F@#$! I look like shit!" I thought. I turned my face left and right, then my focus shifted to my morning to do list.. and thats the point.. where the attention goes, the energy flows... what you focus on expands. If you spend all your time looking in the mirror, of course you will find IMPERFECTIONS..because we are living in a society that tells us what we are supposed to look like, an ideal that is getting less individual day by day. A society based on capitalism and the consumerism that drives it. If we have a problem, there is always a solution! It'll cost you, but its worth it, because YOU are worth it!
So what if botox, fillers and facelifts aren't your thing? How do we celebrate our unique face, change our attitude and approach to the inevitability of AGING and expand our awareness, understanding and acceptance of it. After all, isn't beauty only skin deep?
Up close and personal, the magnified reflection took all the acceptance of a life well lived and made me rethink getting glasses. Is this what I really looked like?? Like I’d been dragged through a hedge backwards, over a fence and sat on. By a sumo wrestler. Shit. I need more water. I need a facial. I need botox! Do I need a facelift at some point!? Looking so close up showed every detail, every stressful thought in the last 12 months, every sleepless night, every good cry, every bad tempered outburst. A roadmap of my life up until this point... the external representation of the internal state.
All in all though, I think I am aging fairly well and have a good attitude and acceptance towards this inevitable process. I haven't really changed THAT much in the last 10 years. Of course, a bit of makeup always helps.. at the very least, a bit of mascara! upon pausing and really taking in the image staring back at me from the REGULAR mirror, I see the subtle changes in my eyes and a face that has had ten more years of experience and all the "fun" that entails on this journey called life. (I use the term "fun" loosely... tongue stuck in my cheek!
It wouldn't be as bad if we weren't slapped in the original chops that God gave us, by the almighty American Marketing & Advertising machine. Perfect faces had always stared out at us from magazine stands, but now we have to contend with social media that exaggerated that phenomenon to a whole new level. It would have us believe we should put a paper bag over our heads at 50 unless we regularly smooth, fill and plump. In a world where everyone looks, lives and ages WAY better than you, how could you not?! Filter apps really hammer the point home that AGING IS NOW FOR MARTYRS or crazy cat ladies.
It really does come down to making a choice. There is no judgement here from me if you are fighting the onslaught of age with your credit card and a fantastic talented aesthetician. I'm just here to offer a different way of looking at this process. Rather than a fight, there is the option of surrender and pride for your journey. Valuing your individuality and not wanting to inadvertently look like the receptionist who took you into your private room for botox. In the process for perfection, we seem to be losing the very thing that made us different. Our uniqueness, most obviously seen in our faces. So why are we doing it to ourselves? Why are we being steered by marketing execs and made to feel "less than"... less than what? Quite simply, "Comparison robs you of joy".. the main thing I took out of my yoga training 10 years ago.
If you are in your 20's and 30's and feel the pressure to look a certain way, just realize you are being driven by a consumer world... if you feel "less than," you are easier to sell a product to. Its that simple. I know because thats the world I operated in for over 20 years, marketing and selling health, fitness and beauty items on TV. I wrote the copy to make you question how you looked in a mirror! I then explained why my product would make you "look and feel better than you ever thought possible!" These days the marketing is way slicker and more in your face, so try to monitor your use of social media, be kind to yourself and watch the self criticism!! During these years I remember constantly comparing myself, measuring everything about myself against others. In looks, work, success. You are in the phase of creating at that point.. careers, family, relationships... your view of self.
Paraphrasing Carl Jung, you spend the first half of life building your ego, the second half trying to shed it. So, be patient, because there is a moment in every woman's life where we eventually begin to hold ourselves a little more gently. You simply stop caring about what everyone else is doing because your own life has now become full of career, family & relationship crap! You have no time to worry about everyone else!!! Its time to start SHEDDING the ego for f$@K's sake please!!!! Its exhausting trying to keep this thing looking so shiny and great!!!
So now what?!Just look like shit and accept it? Not necessarily, but there is a phrase "Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change"
Running away from aging is like trying to stop the sand in an hourglass when its glued to a table. I like to think that when needed we can get really creative with makeup and hair. I have a friend with silver hair who has a rad haircut, funky and fun. I think of Goldie Hawn and her bangs... and now we have Pamela Anderson who is now infamous for her makeup free red carpet appearances. Elizabeth Gilbert of "Eat Pray Love" fame who shaved her head after years of constant styling for interviews and marketing. Its not LESS IS MORE, More of "I couldn't care less!" Thank you both so very much!
So, can we just do that? Can we just be OK, because lets face it, we have other things to focus on that are more important than criticizing ourselves, holding ourselves up to impossible standards, worrying what everybody else is doing...and what an amazing moment of liberation and transformation that could be!
Now I'm not talking about totally giving up, letting yourself go and not caring. It's more an act of rebellion against giving yourself so much shit. It's the day you begin to take a stance for yourself and your own individuality, your own expression of this thing called life.
Instead of looking out, we begin to look in. We start to take pride in other things…above all the wisdom gained from the years lived so far.
If our female ancestors could whisper in our ears, maybe they would tell us that at this point it's time to really let go. Let go of guilt. What's done is done. Let go of the heavy burden from your shoulders, it's not yours to carry.. stop thinking endlessly of the financial worries that cause pain in your lower back. Stop stressing about your schedule, focus on today, and stop conforming to social norms. Do what you want, be a bit more wild and more free.
When you look in a mirror, let go of the criticism, catch yourself and stop. You wouldn't talk to a child like that, so why do you talk to yourself in that way? Its time to Let That Shit Go! Surrender, say F**k it! and FEEL it all… be proud of your journey, then begin to expand into this new phase of your life. Fill it with learning, love, and laughter. Experiences and adventures. Friends and good food. Above all, Kindness, Grace and compassion towards yourself. Fill yourself up first, then everyone else will feel it and will follow your flow. Reconnect to the joy you felt as a child. Do things that fill your soul, because that’s when you become ageless. But I would still use mascara in the mornings to open up your eyes a bit…
